What is it that makes me fixate on certain people and not others? Allow me to illustrate this with an example...
So I have this kind of secret place in my neighborhood where I go to sunbathe nude. (Don't ask me where cuz if I tell you then it wouldn't be a secret anymore.) It's kind of--ok, VERY--cruisy, and sometimes, I admit, I might partake in the festivities, if the guy is hot enough. Or I'm horny enough. But mostly I just go to bake since I feel less self conscious taking most, if not all, of my clothes off.
About a month and a half ago, there was a guy on the rock just downriver from me, and I was mighty interested in seeing what he had. Long story short, I wound up on his rock, both of us naked and stroking (he was super hung). It didn't last very long, neither of us came, and we kept being interrupted anyway. We only spoke about five sentences to each other, and yet I haven't been able to get him out of my head. I wanted to give him my number when I left but chickened out. I saw him again two weekends ago with another guy and got insanely jealous and depressed. I'm not sure why, really, especially considering it's what goes on there.
There's more to the story about Craigslist postings and ignored emails, but the point is that I've become virtually obsessed with this near perfect manly specimen of bleach blonde goodness.
Yet I met another cute guy online last weekend and ultimately had anal intercourse with him (which I almost never do). He was a nice, intelligent, attractive, well-built guy, but after we were done and he said he doesn't like to repeat tricks, I was okay. Not distraught in the least.
But Hung Bleach Blonde Guy? Crushed. Devastated. Unreasonably attached and torn asunder.
In the end, I guess it's not really that I have so much of a problem separating sex and emotions like I once thought I did. But I still don't understand why I'm inexplicably smitten with someone I barely talked to while I could care less about someone with whom I was as intimate as I could get. Hormones or pheromones, maybe? Could it be that Hung Bleach Blonde Guy is The One?
See, there I go again...
1 comment:
I think because you don't know him, you find him intriguing-- that air of mystery, you know? The more someone is unattainable, the more you want him. You want to find true love, but you're afraid of getting hurt so you subconsciously pursue something that won't work out in order to spare yourself from real heartbreak.
I don't know, just throwing out a theory. You might have already known that though.
Good luck, Peter. :(
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